"For a relationship to succeed, the frequency of positive comments has to outweigh negative remarks by about five to one. In other words, it takes five instances of agreement and support to undo the harm caused by a single criticism." Richard Wiseman
We're fortunate that there are people who are so curious about why people do what they do that they spend their whole lives studying behavior. That way we don't have to guess, we can just read the research!
Our quote today refers to the results of many studies of couples in relationships. The researchers were looking for factors which predicted
which couples would stay together or separate.
The research gives us a good reason to bite our tongue when we're tempted
to say something critical. We now know that it will cost us at least five compliments to make up for it!
I suspect that the research would be valid for other kinds of relationships, too. Business relationships, friends, family members, especially parents and children. That offhand critical remark can last for a long time. It's just not worth it.
There's an old saying that I heard as a kid many times - "If you can't say
something nice, don't say anything at all."
Now we have the research to prove it's good advice.
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